Everyone reading this blog has experienced first hand or knows someone who has been through a divorce. Why? Because divorce has become a preferred approach many couples are using to pursue happiness and find relief from a struggling marriage. But don’t be fooled…
Divorce on the surface appears to spell one word: R-E-L-I-E-F. When couples struggle, the natural temptation is to run and find relief somewhere else. As a teenager, I watched my parents blowout after 27 years of marriage. It was crazy to see what appeared to be a stable and safe home crumble right before my eyes. It was messy and involved sexual sin. As a result, they got a divorce and I was there for every blow-by-blow play that took place. Of course, there are many things that can be learned by this kind of experience, but the #1 lesson I learned by going through a divorce was…
Divorce Will Always Damage
Don’t believe the lie that says “divorce can be better for everyone”. Don’t buy the lie that says “even though it may be hard at first, everyone will be happier in the long run”. It’s not true! Divorce will always damage. It will damage a husband and wife, children, friends, co-workers, and extended family. Divorce will do damage relationally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
This is why God said in Malachi. 2:16 – … “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel”.
Remember, God’s word is not true because it is in the Bible, it is in the Bible because it’s true. Whenever we step into things that God hates, rest assured it will be painful and do damage. This is called the consequences of sin!
I can tell you my mom and dad were never the same after their divorce. Even though they remarried, they were damaged and scarred for life. I remember asking my dad if he was happy and his response was, “I can tell you I will never go through another divorce again.” Of course, he didn’t directly answer my question but he did highlight how damaging divorce had been on him.
From a child’s perspective, my relationship with my parents was never the same. It was broken and fractured because of their guilt and my hurt seeing their relationship implode. My siblings never got married, never had children, and everyone was left to fend for themselves. By the grace of God, I’ve been married for almost 34 years and have both children and grandchildren. But I can tell you, it was in spite of my parents not because of them.
Don’t get me wrong, I had great parents, but their divorce was damaging to all. The very thing they had hoped to accomplish by getting a divorce (i.e. finding relief and happiness), ended up causing irreparable damage to themselves and those around them. Even though both of my parents have since passed away, the painful memories of their divorce will always trump any happier childhood experiences.
Yes, marriage can be hard… Yes, marriage takes work…. Yes, divorce can seem like relief when it gets really hard, but don’t believe it! Divorce will only replace immediate pain with future pain. You will be much better off working on your marriage now than navigating through the damage of a divorce later.
Now I realize there are extenuating circumstances when a divorce becomes the only option. Even God’s word provides those options (Matthew 5:31-33). But the more you and I begin to hate divorce rather than view it as an option, the more we will work harder at preserving our marriages and ultimately protect ourselves and those around us from lifelong damage.
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