What type of sex does God approve of? What type of sex is appropriate or inappropriate? Is there a line that God draws when it comes to oral sex?
Today, we live in a very sexual culture that promotes sex in many different ways. “If it feels good, do it”, seems to be the only condition for right or wrong. But what does that mean for Christians?
Is there a type of sex that God considers right or wrong, such as oral sex?
First of all let me clarify that any sexual activity outside the marriage covenant between a husband and wife is sin. It is that simple and there are no exceptions. See my blog post, Great Sex for more details. Given this biblical truth, let’s continue the discussion about oral sex within the context of marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:4-5 – The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
These instructions from 1 Corinthians highlight that a husband and wife are to please one another sexually. There are no guidelines as to “how” this pleasing should take place. In fact, the only time spouses are allowed to sexually hold back from one another is when they have decided to take a sex fast, with time limits, in order to prayerfully seek the Lord. Other than that, sex is to be a regular activity in order to prevent sexual temptation outside of marriage.
When it comes to specific questions about sexual activity (i.e. oral sex, frequency of sex, lingerie, etc.), scripture is silent on the topic. Why? Because every couple is going to be different in terms of sexual wants, needs, and desires. This means that every marriage is given the freedom to work through this issue in a personal and fulfilling way. Therefore, if a married couple decides that oral sex is appropriate, God’s word does not trump that decision.
Matthew 5:27-28 – You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Jesus makes it very clear that lustful thinking directed toward someone other than your spouse is sin. This means viewing pornography, magazines or websites, watching TV shows, or anything else that exposes you to sexually arousing activity is sinful and to be avoided. When a husband or wife brings outside sexual fantasies into the bedroom that has originated from previous sinful thinking, they are participating in sexual sin. In this way, any sexual activity can become sinful even within the context of marriage.
Therefore, oral sex is neither right nor wrong, good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate. It is a personal decision between a husband and wife, making sure that they stay pure for one another, avoid temptation, and honor the Lord.
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